My Sunday Best

In my effort to "find myself" - augh that just sounds so cliche - I went to Church on Sunday.

I was born and raised in the Catholic Church. Dad brought us 4 girls out every Sunday morning to sit on the hard wooden pews of our childhood Church. We did CCD on Saturdays - baptized, 1st communion, confirmation - the whole Catholic ka-bam. I spent plenty of time looking around the church. Stained glass, statues, and learning that Catholics try as they might CANNOT sing.

Maybe it was the relentless Sunday tradition but as adulthood took over, my church going days pretty much ended. I just didn't find spending an hour inside and saying the same prayers, singing the same songs - the way to find my religion. The same for the most part, went for my sisters. Much to my dad's disappointment.

Even with my lack of attending Church, I've continued to consider myself "Catholic" even though I don't agree with all the Church's practices and beliefs. I'm just finding it important to identify myself as something even though I find myself in limbo at times. I have my religious beliefs, but where do they fit?

Because of my want for identity - I was married in the Catholic Church (by a Deacon - much to my father's disappointment). The Husband, described as nondenominationl Christian - was quite the trooper in having to take all the pre-canna classes. I mean who does't like a 3 hour class on your soon-to-be wife's vaginal discharge and how to effectively avoid pregnancy without contraceptives- all taught by the woman who was 25 and had like 5 kids.

The Girl was also baptized in the Catholic Church (much to the disappointment to all The Husband's relatives I'm sure), because 1. I didn't want to disappoint Dad on this one. 2. We have a great baptismal gown that has been handed down. 3. Although I am fine with The Girl exploring her own religious beliefs, I do find it important that she at least starts out with some sort of direction.

So back to the present, on Sunday, after saying that I was going to visit our nearby church for some time now, decided to actually take the plunge and go. I decided to not bring The Girl and headed out by myself.

It was....different. My childhood church was very traditional. Dark wooden pews, stained glass, books of verses and songs. The Church I got married at was a bit more modern - big and bright. Still had the traditional feel of pews and an alter. My now local Church had chairs. Kinda comfortable, slightly cushioned chairs. No raised alter. Very short aisle (poor brides get totally jipped!). Xeroxed copies of the songs and summaries of the readings and gospel (no books). The oddest thing? No kneeling! Sure, on the surface, this was a nice thing. Don't have to kill your knees standing up and down - but it's just what we do...Catholics kneel in Church!

I was bothered that if I brought The Girl to this Church, she wouldn't learn the proper steps of a mass. Then she would go to any other Church and be completely lost.

I was also turned off by how everyone shot out of there before the priest proceeded back down the aisle. Sure there's always been people who walk out right after they take communion (I've done it) but if you stay for the ending...have the respect to wait until the priest walks out first.

For awhile I was thinking - maybe I need different, maybe this odd Catholic Church is what I'm really looking for...but no, I don't think so. Still not quite sure what I'm looking for but I don't think I'll find it here.

Plus, the choir was just terrible.