A Guest Blogger!!

Please welcome my very first guest contributor to the program........The Husband! I'm terribly excited to have his thoughts, words and point-of-view published here. He took long enough getting this to me so without further ado.....


So what’s it like to be a father? Well to be honest, I’ll tell you when I figure it out. I have moments where I look at The Girl and think to myself that she will be the greatest thing I will ever give back to the world. Then she craps her pants. Nuff said.

I find myself doing many things that as little as 4 years ago I would have laughed at people for doing. But now it seems normal life. So since describing what it’s like to be a father is about as easy as drawing with sidewalk chalk in the rain, I’ll tell you about some of the things that have become normal for our once stable and quiet household.

-Sidewalk chalk and rain don’t mix. Although in the child’s mind, there no reason why rain should stop the “colors”

-Walking around the house has become dangerous. Going to the kitchen can be met with the phrase “gonna get you” just moments before your ankles get slammed into by a pint sized driver on a supercharged tricycle.

-Blueberries are good to eat. Just remember…they come back

-Argue all you like with the child, shoes will be put on the wrong feet, until she decides it hurts, and you have to fix it

-Slamming the dog gate on puppy's face never gets old for the child, and apparently the dog. He keeps going for it, and she keeps slamming it

-The simple utterance of the word “kitty” will send the poor animal fleeing up the stairs in a poof of hair, claws, and tail

-You just may end up buying the child a fish tank so she will stop pestering your bait minnows

-She still won’t leave the minnows alone

-While driving, a comfortable silence can be broken with a sharp and sudden explosion of the word “AIRPLANE”, even if you’ve seen 30 airplanes already on the same trip

-If she’s looking nice and sweet, and handing you something…be careful. She may be handing you a booger

-If she wants apples, you damn well better be able to make one appear…fast

-Don’t be fooled by their appearance of helplessness. They can get into the fridge. Your dessert is not safe

-Words like sit, spit, truck, duck, spike, and even blueberries will be mispronounced. And what comes out of her mouth would not be appropriate in a public setting. And that is exactly where she will choose to use them

-Spiders are cookies. Don’t ask, I don’t know

-When she lays down in front of you without prompting and puts her legs in the air, you will not like what you are about to smell. I won’t even tell you what you’re about to see

-You will become immune to cuteness. She can give a face that will melt any grandparent at 50 paces, but you will remain unphased. She knows it too, then the tantrum starts

-You become immune to tantrums

-And last but not least, there is nothing more fun that loading her up with sugar just before dropping her off at the grandparents for an overnight. That will never get old


So that’s about it off the top of my head. I would have more, but when the wife asks you to write something and it takes more than an allotted time that you didn’t know you were under, the wife can get mean and send you mean messages and emails at work.