It was a great morning. It doesn't happen often that I have a volunteer who lives in my neck of the woods. I live an hour away from my region so most of the volunteers live in said region. This particular woman chooses to volunteer at one of my hospitals because she was treated there and wants to give back.
Anyway, she is a young, 40 something vibrant breast cancer survivor with a cute pixie cut that she has chosen to keep short, years after her hair grew back from chemo. I enjoy her company as an individual, as well as, a volunteer - a type of person who I say "I want to be her friend".
We met at Starbucks and I decided on a Hot Chocolate over my normal Frappocino - it was just too damn cold outside. The cashier - barrista - asked if I wanted the Classic or Signature. Uhm...Hot Chocolate. Turns out one of them has a combo of 4 different chocolates - I just stuck with the ol fashioned kind. I knew they got fancy with coffees - lattes and all that stuff but leave my hot chocolate alone.
Anyway, my volunteer and I covered business that needed to be discussed. We also talked a lot about family. I knew things here and there about her personally as she did with me. I asked her about her daughter - a 13 year old and asked what it was like to raise an only child.
She was very candid with me - giving both the positive and negative view points. In all though, she actually got me excited for The Girl to be an only! I couldn't believe it.
Her daughter does have a harder time understanding how things are unfair. For us with siblings, we learn about fighting and arguing over things. To watch our backs for the head smack that may be approaching from behind. An only child may not understand that and find general teasing to be mean and unfair. Volunteer also worries about her daughter when she and her husband ages - that the daughter won't have anyone to help in the care. Siblings generally have each other to turn to for advice or to trade off in responsibilities.
She asked my concerns - I'm sad that The Girl won't have a sisterly bond like the one I have with my sisters. She brought up the fact that there's never a guarantee that siblings will even get along. And that's very true!
Volunteer is very happy with the decision she and her husband made. We don't know if its a product of her being an only child but this particular girl is very mature for her age - in terms of humor and attitude. And I've actually heard this from other only children. She actually took her to see Joel McHale from The Soup perform stand up when he was in town. How cool is that?
Another thing that made me smile and feel more confident was the bond that she said that not only she had with her daughter but the bond that father and daughter have. He is just involved in her life and committed to spend time with her. They do things that are just them. He taught her to fly. He takes her shooting. Its "their" time. I can totally see this happening with The Husband and The Girl. Just add in fishing in replace of flying (although The Husband would love that).
Volunteer was very happy that one child = less clutter and mess too. I think I need to work on that one.
I'm really not explaining myself all that well today. But I left Starbucks with a big smile on my face. I called The Husband and said "I talked to someone who got me excited to have an only child!" He said, "We need to invite her over."
It's still a process for me and will continue to be so but I needed to hear this. I needed to hear such a wonderful and positive experience from a mother who chose only to have one child. So this was one big step forward for once.
5 comments:
My almost 12-year-old cousin is an only child, and she is one of the smartest, wittiest, awesome-to-be-around tweens that I know. (And if you know me, you know I'm generally not fond of kids for more than an hour at a time!). I don't think you and The Husband have anything to worry about :) The Girl is already brilliant and charismatic, from all the pictures and stories I've seen of her, and the way you two are raising her sounds like she's on the path to greatness :)
(p.s. the word verification for this post is "facqu" ... I feel WRONG writing that! haha)
I'm glad you found some peace about this. I feel as your friend does on all aspects of raising an only child, but I know hearing it from someone that's been there rather than someone that will be there makes a huge difference. Keep smiling, and keep writing. :)
What an awesome post! You got ME thinking about the possibility of having an only child. LOL
I am very happy to hear this Sarah. And you have the most precious only child too!! It totally helps to hear from someone who has been there and not someone who thinks they know how you feel.
I can't imagine being an only child myself...But none of my "only child" friends have ever expressed genuine regret about being an only child.
I have heard plenty of sibling rivalries gone wrong stories, so...
I think Your Girl will be just fine if that's the route you choose. :D
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