What's in a name?

I've been wanting to write for awhile. I usually have at least 2-3 topics in my head that I plan to write down...sometimes things never make it to post as it becomes irrelevant one way or another. I'm doing something dangerous in blogging at 11pm and tired but for once, I kinda got sick of procrastinating.

As most know by now, I swing quite flowingly from new baby fever to acceptance on the one child lifestyle. Most of the time I'm in the middle working my way to the further end of acceptance on The Girl being The One. Yet there are times where Baby Fever hits and hits hard and it's usually the damn little things that set me off. The good news is that since it hit and in writing this, things have calmed down. Even during the worse I wasn't all weepy and depressed, I just well, you'll see.

What set me off? A name. I do love names. I love thinking of names to name our unborn child. The boy name is set in stone (did I reveal that here in my attempt to heal??) but another girl name would totally be up for grabs. And The Husband and I know for sure that we would have another girl. Its not even open for debate or thought, we both know, without a second thought or doubt in our combined minds, #2 would be a girl.

Frequently, I have new names that I like. A week or so ago, a new name came to light that I heart and The Husband didn't totally poo poo. Well, Husband is gonna love hearing this but that totally set me off. Set me off enough to finally make a call to set up an appointment with a new doctor.

I've been talking about seeing this new neurologist for several months. I read about her in the paper and recently found out a friend had just seen her for. She specializes in women and migraines. Although I am very thankful for what my current migraine doctor has done for me - I'm not completely satisfied with his comfort of the status quo in my treatment regimine. I'm convinced my auras and migraines are hormone related and that I may be okay now that my body is back in balance. I want to try being medicine free.

Anyway, so I've known about this doctor for awhile and have talked about seeing her for a consultation for some time just to get a second opinion on my treatment but also quite frankly about this whole stroke and pregnancy thing. My current doc says its because of my specific auras that I would be at high risk for stroke during pregnancy.

I guess part of me wants this new doc to tell me that I can safely become pregnant again. I know that I may walk out of the appt completely disappointed if that's not what I hear. I get that. I guess its my one hope left - my one hope that not having another child won't fully rest on my shoulders.

Even with a clean bill of health so much else lies in our way of #2. It really does make me wonder if something/someone is trying to tell me something. But I gotta try everything to help ease my mind and seeing this doc will help with more then just answering that one question - really would love to be off my meds.

And she MUST be a good doctor...I made the appointment with her last week...I don't go in to see her until the end of June!!