A month ago I would not have been writing about this. It's nothing I was exactly proud of or thought was a common occurance outside my own household. Believe you me, I'm a pretty traditional girl in most ways so saying that my husband and I don't sleep together (and I mean actual snore, zzzzzzzzzz, snore) sleep together, I wasn't ready to go all out and tell all my friends and potential strangers about it.
Thank to the joys of the time killer called Facebook, I have learned that I'm not alone! Reading 25 Random Things about a friend has freed some of my reluctance and sadness! Sure, you reading here may be looking with big eyes and a sad, Oh that's a shame shake to your head but as long as I know there are other *happy* marriages out there where husband and wife slumber seperately, I'm ready to go public. Or go blog. Whatever.
The Husband and I discussed this last night. I have always been the one to push on us acutally sleeping in the same bed but lately, I've pretty much given up. I told him Husband, we are not alone! He also said he recently heard that indeed this is actually NOT an uncommon occurance.
Afterall, you grow up, sleeping in your own bed, by yourself for what 20some years (give or take). Then suddenly you are in a long term relationship and/or marriage and now you are sharing your bed with a potential snorer/blanket hog (he snores, I hog the blanket).
I fought this for quite some time. The Husband would frequently fall asleep in front of the TV (he's a night owl) and not come to bed. I would take it personally. It bothered me that he would get up enough to get off the recliner to lay on the couch but would not make the extra effort to just come upstairs. He would try to explain that he never really slept in bed. He liked sleeping with noise on, etc. It didn't matter to me, in my book, married people slept together.
Now we are going on 5 years of marriage, 7 years total of being together and I am finally flying the white flag. At night, the bed is mine. No waking up to snores. I can keep the laundry basket on the bed. The cats can spread out. I'm not one to snuggle or spoon at night so no loss there. Sleep is precious in my book. God knew me well enough to give me a baby who slept through the night at 6 weeks. Maybe this just works out well enough.
Frequently, I will spend the night, or at least part of the night sleeping on the couch next to his recliner. At least I feel like is quasi-sleeping together.
It still saddens me some and it does make me wonder how The Girl will view this as she gets older. Although who knows what will change in the future. Maybe The Husband will crave the comfort of a mattress one day.
I once thought that a couple not sleeping together at night was a negative reflection of their marriage. Now speaking from experience I can guarantee you that it's not necessarily so. With all the crap falling around us, the one thing I do have is my family, and for that I am so thankful and blessed.
5 comments:
This is not unusual! My parents and several of my family members do this.... heck most of the time Carl and I sleep in different beds (mostly because I'm not home)... If he irritates(snoring, too hot, etc) me I go downstairs and sleep in the sofa. I value sleep!! If it works for you, who cares :)
Oh Man, I could never do that!! My sister and I had separate bedrooms growing up, but we usually slept together in either her bed or mine. We would whisper and giggle together for a couple hours and then fall asleep. And when she wasn't there, the family dog always slept with me.
When I moved out of my parents house, I had a hard time sleeping alone. My boyfriend spent the night at my place 3-4 days a week. I had a twin bed and he was 5'8 but I still slept better when he was there.
Not I'm 29. I've shared my bed with many boyfriends and lived with several. And I ALWAYS sleep better when someone else is sleeping with me. Plus, I totally AM the type to sleep all cuddled up. My current boyfriend is still trying to get used to that. I think he likes it (we're both pretty cuddly) but he's really not used to it and I think he sleeps better alone. Hopefully he gets used to it though, because not sleeping in the same bed with him would drive me out of my mind!!
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with your situation though. To each his own; whatever works. And I'm glad you've discovered you're not alone and are finding some peace with it all!
One of my friend's parents have done this for years! Her mother broke her arm once and she was in a hard cast so she started sleeping in the guest room to be more comfortable and to not knock her husband unconscious during the night with it... and they realized how much happier and so much more rested they were! So they kept doing it hehe
This happens all the time with John and me too. I totally agree that it is not a reflection on the marriage. Plus, I am a BI-OTCH when someone wakes me up to go to the bed when sleeping on the couch.
I've heard it's very common. Home builders have mentioned that they are now often asked to build a smaller "sleeping room" within bedrooms, or things like that. A lot of couples sleeping habits irritate each other too much to sleep in the same bed.
I say...Whatever works!
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