How far do those vows go? I'm beginning to think I may take them too seriously.
A discussion has arisen on a board I frequent about what you would do if your spouse becomes unable to function for some horrible reason. I am kinda surprised by the number of people who really don't have a problem getting their husband proper care but then going on with their life. They say He wouldn't be the husband I married. A marriage needs more in return. I guess it kinda makes me sad. Of course it wouldn't be the same marriage. It wouldn't be the blissful, romantic love that you may remember but to me, a marriage is a strong foundation and partnership that you start building from the second you say "I Do" (if not sooner). You vow to that person to always be by their side.
You go into marriage not knowing what the future holds. You can only hope/wish/pray for the best but sometimes bad things happen. I was diagnosed with MS for a short time. I've seen the effects of a bad case of MS, it ain't pretty. Husband has AS to contend with. Who knows what else looms ahead - I pray its nothing but positive but who can say?
Some people say they wouldn't have it in them to stay. To them, I say, its not always about you.
I don't know. I'm not voicing my thoughts well here. I honor my wedding vows - I said them to my Husband, to God. I couldn't walk away. I couldn't just visit and then go about a new life with a new person in it.
Of course, no one ever knows what they would do unless they are in the situation and I pray that I and no one else ever has to face such decisions in their lives.
And what if the unthinkable happened to me? I don't know - I've always told The Husband that he's not allowed to ever remarry. He's allowed to have cheap, meaningless sex but that's it. Afterall, I have to be his one true great love. Once he dies, I don't want him making a choice as to who to spend eternity with, you know? Husband says I'm allowed to remarry but only if I have him stuffed and placed in my bedroom with him pointing at the bed. But really, I wouldn't marry again.
Well, I'd love to hear other people's opinions on this. Feel free to post.
7 comments:
He should also be holding a jar of home made stink bait with the hand that isn't ponting. ;)
When I married, I did so to enjoy the time of my life with him. In return, I gave up my ability to walk away. He became my family and I don't walk away from family.
I know that illness can take a person's body and mind. I know that being a caretaker for a chronically ill person can become burdensome. I know I would need a support system of family, friends, and professionals.
I also know I made his life better when he was healthy just by being in it, so I would make his life better in the same manner when he was ill. I wouldn't view him as some guy with failing health, I would view him as my husband that has given so much to me and now it is my time to give back to him.
But, that committment ends when this life is over. If he survives me, I hope someone else would be as fortunate to get to know the man I love and feel for him as I do.
That made me totally laugh about the cheap meaningless sex he can have. I totally agree with you about everything. I didn't take my vows lightly then and I don't take it lightly now. It was important to us to get married in the church because of that reason.
I once knew a guy who was divorced and he said he would never marry again. I thought that if he just found the right person that he would. But after saying those vows myself, I could not ever imagine saying them to someone else and have it be the same meaning. I know everyone is different.
I could never walk away from my husband if he was ever sick. Actually, a couple of days after we started dating, he had a health scare and I thought to myself that there was no way I was going to abandon him because I already had strong feelings for him. That makes me more confident than ever that I would stick by him.
Thanks for posting ladies.
I know my post death thing is a bit out there and even our vows are "til death do us part" but I have a view of Heaven ala What Dreams May Come. What a fantastic love story. I must blog about that one day.
I completely agree with Sherene. When you marry someone, they are family and you they don't stop being family because they are sick. I also agree that the vows end when life ends. I wouldn't rule out re-marrying if my (future) husband died before I did. And if he survived me, I would hope he would find someone to love and spend the rest of his life with. I don't think re-marriage after the death of a spouse in any way adulterates the love you shared when married and probably continue to feel after they are gone. But I think there can be room to love another person too and I think there is a good chance I would be lonely as a widow and wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life like that.
That's my opinion for what it's worth as an un-married woman!
Thanks for sharing your opinion too Julia. My grandmother remarried - she lost her husband when my mom was just a baby. She married the man I knew as my grandfather and had a very happy, loving life. I don't know why I feel the way I do.
I don't want to turn your blog into a message board via the comments, but I think you feel the way you do because you believe in an afterlife where you would be re-joined with your spouse. So re-marrying would complicate things.
When Steph and I met, we were both morbidly obese ticking time bombs. We actually met because we both got diagnosed with Type II diabetes around the same time. I have thought about this question before marrying, and I would never ever give up on him, I think that I would stay as committed to him as I am now, until the end.
I think that one of the reasons that we lost 250lbs between us so far, is that we're so happy together. Just being in his presence makes me happy.
We have both said that if the other were to die, we would both want the other to find someone to share the rest of their path with. (I told him as long as a respectable amount of time has passed, I wouldn't want him to marry like 2 months after I croak, but I don't think he ever would, unless Natalie Portman (dressed in her Star Wars outfit preferably) asked him to marry her hehe.
I think that it might only get really tough, decision-wise, if one of us were to become fully paralyzed, drooly, incohesive vegetables and that that were to last for years and years. I wouldn't want him to have to sacrifice his life if I were a vegetable and not able to even feel his presence..
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