I'm sitting in Panera right now - its morning and people are reading the newspaper, drinking coffee, and have their laptops out. Random people, going about their random days, all trying their best to keep their lives in balance. At least that's what I assume.
You never know what goes on behind closed doors. The happiest of couples may be the ones going to bed angry at night. The ones bickering every chance they get may be the ones happily married for 50 years. Sometimes, however, you do know a little bit more and you do get concerned that the balance in someone's life is off.
Maybe I've just been lucky in my life and those I associate with. When it comes to being a parent, while it is a vital and important and wonderful focus in life - other things do come into play. I've heard stories of the mothers who it seems that their lives completely and utterly revolve around their children but never really came into direct contact with them. I guess technically I still haven't but in (another) message board (bad Sarah) of mothers with children born the same month as The Girl - I was really surprised to see a couple of women who I would consider a bit too there. (Hey, there's a good chance someone's writing a blog about me saying I'm a negliant mom for working full time and still going out with my husband alone or having time with the girls).
There was one person who has never left her child. Like never, I'm not even talking about overnight - I'm talking a few hours. She posted that she had family ready and willing to take on the babysitting duties. I think this is extreme. I know for a fact that if I were staying home all day I'd be chomping at the bit to get out for a few hours. I was home with the Girl for the first few months of her life. My birthday came around a little more then a month into it and my Mom came over so I could get a massage. "Bye Baby" I didn't even cry!
Another poster mentioned not understanding how a Girls Night could be more fun then spending time with family. I love my family - they are #1 in my life - no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I love spending time together and we spend alot of time together even with me and Husbad working. But I don't get to spend alot of time with my friends so an occassional Girls Night Out is needed and wanted and appreciated. Keeping contact with friends is important to me and my life.
Sure, I get to spend time with The Husband after The Girl goes to bed. You know nothing spells romance better then PJs, Lost, and XBox Live. You get into a routine at night. I like my evenings to sit and watch TV feeling bad about all the housework I should be catching up on. Its not exactly prime time to go get all girly to impress The Husband.
That's what Date Nights are for - time where The Girl is at The Grands and The Husband and I can focus on each other. Do we talk about The Girl? Sure! But we actually have a lot of other things to talk about to. My goodness there's work drama, our friends, and if anyone knows my husband in real life - politics!
When The Girl is 18 and goes off to University of Chicago (She got into Harvard but wanted to stay close to home) I want the Husband and I to still know each other. I have no doubt that we will. No doubt at all. I worry about some others out there though. Yes, your children are priority but so is your marriage.
7 comments:
You know, I hope that when I have kids that I feel the same way I do now which is the same sentiment in this post. I would like to be able to say that now and actually live it when time comes to have and raise our child(ren).
The healthy, fulfilling relationships (husband or friends) that you had before your child(ren) should be nurtured in my opinion as they were there before child(ren) and will (if we are so lucky) be there well after your child(ren) needs you the way they do now.
I, like you, love reconnecting with my husband and I'm really happy to hear that you guys do the same. I definitely think Date Night is so important because it is so easy to get lost in being "Mommy" and "Daddy" rather than being "My Husband" and "My Wife." When you and The Husband are empty-nesters and have raised The Girl to be a successful woman of her own, in the end, you'll only have each other. ;)
I'm not married, nor do I have kids, so I'm not an expert on the matter by any means... but I completely agree with everything you wrote. I think it's so important to have a life outside of your kids, and even occasionally outside of your husband (ie the girls' nights) ... it seems so isolated to me to just have such limited contact with the world.
And I also like everything that Angel said, too :)
Angel - I was alot like you - I didn't know how I would react to having a child. Leaving her with someone I trusted wasn't horribly difficult. This varies person to person.
We're lucky that we have great family and trusted friends nearby who are more then willing to babysit.
I do think having more then one child would be alot more difficult. But I do think its an important challenge to work in.
You and your hubby will do just great when your time comes!
Thank you Katie! Thanks for reading me : )
I agree with Angel and Katie :) Maybe someday I'll find out what it's like too hehe
I love that you already know Girl got into Harvard.
Okay - how bizarre that I'm referring to a child solely by gender? LOL
But really, I most liked the beginnning of this post - the balance thing. Everyone in a coffee shop looks balanced - it's the setting. It's peaceful tho, too. There wasn't a day I didn't walk into Caribou and take a deep breath, cuz of THAT smell.
But my regulars had some crazy lives. If I could help them deal with it a little easier, so be it.
Ugh, I'm trying to say, balance is so important and I love having friends who realize that.
AJ - we've called her "baby" since she was in utero and beyond. But now she's grown, we switched to "the girl". So we do actually call her that and its not simply for the sake of anonymity. We're odd, but you know that.
Thank you for your comment. In my eyes, balance is key to happiness.
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